Nicely done, Rook.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Friday, August 17, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Dear CWS,
Long time no talk. Probably cause we're losing to the A's right now, YET AGAIN.
It doesn't help that Oakland fans are the most annoying fans on the face of this earth. They boo EVERY SINGLE STRIKE CALLED AGAINST AN A'S PLAYER! WTF! Strikes happen losers! Now they are booing because Danny Richar stole a base and they thought he was out. OH MY GOD SHUT UP! Surprisingly enough these fans are not even the most annoying (that I have experienced). The list goes:
1. Cubs fans- the Cubs are a fratboy-adored, perpetually losing, injury-ignoring, pre-school blue, ticket scalping franchise reveals. Their "fans" go to the games to get drunk. They admire the Wrigley ivy more than their own team. "There's always next year." Cubs fans think that they are all that this season. The only reason they are 2nd place in their division is because the NL Central is WEAK. A 61-59 record is BARELY enough for THIRD PLACE in the AL Central. Sure, the Cubs can beat teams like the Nationals and the Reds, but they don't come even close to AL powerhouses like the Red Sox (72-48), Yankees (67-53), Tigers (66-54), Indians (66-54), Angels (69-49), and Mariners (66-52). Even the top NL teams could kill the Cubs, Mets (67-52), Braves (64-56), D-backs (68-53), and Padres (64-55). Contrary to popular belief, the Cubs are not the most popular team in Chicago, they are the most favorite team of every yokel from Iowa and Southern Illinois who moves to Chicago after dropping out of Junior College.
2. Yankees fans- Where to begin? They only cheer for the Yankees because the team has a history of decent teams. There are "fans" all over the country. People who don't watch baseball are Yankees "fans". Because apparantly wearing a red and gold Yankees hat makes you cool. WTF. Yankees "fans" are CONSTANTLY reminding everyone on the face of this earth how many times their team won the World Series. They cheer when the hear that the team signed Roger Clemens and then boo him when he has one bad inning, seeminglt forgeting that he will be pitching five days later. And hey, Clemens never said anything about how good he would be seeing as he is like fifty years old. He just agreed to making a shit load of money. Not his fault. Instead of cheering their players on, Yankees fans boo every chance they get. Just because you spend a lot of money on Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez don't mean they're gonna be perfect. Lame.
3. Athletics fans- They boo everything. THERE THEY ARE! BOOING AGAIN! I KID YOU NOT! Ball gets away from the catcher, Darin Erstad runs to third and is called safe and they BOO. He was SAFE. STFU already. I don't hear them cheer when Haren gets a K to end the inning. But they BOO AT EVERYTHING. Strike on Nick Swisher BOO. Strike on Travis Buck BOO. Danny Richar is safe stealing second BOO. AJ is obviously safe sliding on a double BOOOOOOO. Bat boy drops a bat BOO! The hot dog guy doesn't have anymore ketchup BOOOOOOOOOO! God. I hate them.
Boone.Logan.
LOVE,
E-TRAIN
It doesn't help that Oakland fans are the most annoying fans on the face of this earth. They boo EVERY SINGLE STRIKE CALLED AGAINST AN A'S PLAYER! WTF! Strikes happen losers! Now they are booing because Danny Richar stole a base and they thought he was out. OH MY GOD SHUT UP! Surprisingly enough these fans are not even the most annoying (that I have experienced). The list goes:
1. Cubs fans- the Cubs are a fratboy-adored, perpetually losing, injury-ignoring, pre-school blue, ticket scalping franchise reveals. Their "fans" go to the games to get drunk. They admire the Wrigley ivy more than their own team. "There's always next year." Cubs fans think that they are all that this season. The only reason they are 2nd place in their division is because the NL Central is WEAK. A 61-59 record is BARELY enough for THIRD PLACE in the AL Central. Sure, the Cubs can beat teams like the Nationals and the Reds, but they don't come even close to AL powerhouses like the Red Sox (72-48), Yankees (67-53), Tigers (66-54), Indians (66-54), Angels (69-49), and Mariners (66-52). Even the top NL teams could kill the Cubs, Mets (67-52), Braves (64-56), D-backs (68-53), and Padres (64-55). Contrary to popular belief, the Cubs are not the most popular team in Chicago, they are the most favorite team of every yokel from Iowa and Southern Illinois who moves to Chicago after dropping out of Junior College.
2. Yankees fans- Where to begin? They only cheer for the Yankees because the team has a history of decent teams. There are "fans" all over the country. People who don't watch baseball are Yankees "fans". Because apparantly wearing a red and gold Yankees hat makes you cool. WTF. Yankees "fans" are CONSTANTLY reminding everyone on the face of this earth how many times their team won the World Series. They cheer when the hear that the team signed Roger Clemens and then boo him when he has one bad inning, seeminglt forgeting that he will be pitching five days later. And hey, Clemens never said anything about how good he would be seeing as he is like fifty years old. He just agreed to making a shit load of money. Not his fault. Instead of cheering their players on, Yankees fans boo every chance they get. Just because you spend a lot of money on Derek Jeter and Alex Rodriguez don't mean they're gonna be perfect. Lame.
3. Athletics fans- They boo everything. THERE THEY ARE! BOOING AGAIN! I KID YOU NOT! Ball gets away from the catcher, Darin Erstad runs to third and is called safe and they BOO. He was SAFE. STFU already. I don't hear them cheer when Haren gets a K to end the inning. But they BOO AT EVERYTHING. Strike on Nick Swisher BOO. Strike on Travis Buck BOO. Danny Richar is safe stealing second BOO. AJ is obviously safe sliding on a double BOOOOOOO. Bat boy drops a bat BOO! The hot dog guy doesn't have anymore ketchup BOOOOOOOOOO! God. I hate them.
Boone.Logan.
LOVE,
E-TRAIN
Monday, August 13, 2007
Friday, August 10, 2007
Dear CWS,
Josh 'Sex Cannon' Fields, Baby Boy, you are sooo fucking sexy.
I'd totally hit that.
Two HRs.
Some amazing defensive plays.
Juan had some great plays too.
Podzilla, WTF is up. Are you on the Cubs or no?
LOVE,
E-Train
I'd totally hit that.
Two HRs.
Some amazing defensive plays.
Juan had some great plays too.
Podzilla, WTF is up. Are you on the Cubs or no?
LOVE,
E-Train
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Dear CWS,
Dude. Aaron Laffey looks like a sixth grader. Let's try to get some hits off of him. He's like Ehren Wasserman Jr. AS WE SPEAK AJ FREAKING PIERZYSNKI HITS A SOLO HOMERUN! Now that's what I call fast service.
AJ likes to party. :)
With Paul Konerko.
HAHAHA.
Those pics are priceless.
Quick facts:
Jerry Owens was a wide reciever at UCLA.
And Josh Fields was a quarterback at OSU.
I have a strong urge to call him The Sex Cannon now.
Good bye, Laffey! GTFO.
Also, DJ better watch his back. Stone Pony called that Juan Uribe walkoff HR. He knows a lot about baseball. I feel bad saying this because you know how I love Hawk & DJ, but Hawk & Stoney doesn't sound half bad to me. :)
What the hell, Lewis looks like he is twelve years old too! Battle of the e-school kids.
Anyway.
Juan Uribe. Homerun. Jazz hands. Fireworks. Mob @ home plate. Ozzie smile. More mob. Fans. Run to Dugout. Hug Ozzie. Pat on back. Scotty Pods. Cintro and Uribe. DLP!!!! Replau of jazz hands.
Juan Uribe has the cutest accent ever. Josh Mora just keeps nodding like he knows what Juan is saying. LOL.
Goddamn, Danny Richar is such a smart kid. I adore him.
RUNNERS AT THE CORNERS. NOBODY OUT. HE GONE. HE GONE. HE GONE. Atta boy CUZZIN BUCKY.
Meh. I'm done for now.
Love,
E-TRAIN
AJ likes to party. :)
With Paul Konerko.
HAHAHA.
Those pics are priceless.
Quick facts:
Jerry Owens was a wide reciever at UCLA.
And Josh Fields was a quarterback at OSU.
I have a strong urge to call him The Sex Cannon now.
Good bye, Laffey! GTFO.
Also, DJ better watch his back. Stone Pony called that Juan Uribe walkoff HR. He knows a lot about baseball. I feel bad saying this because you know how I love Hawk & DJ, but Hawk & Stoney doesn't sound half bad to me. :)
What the hell, Lewis looks like he is twelve years old too! Battle of the e-school kids.
Anyway.
Juan Uribe. Homerun. Jazz hands. Fireworks. Mob @ home plate. Ozzie smile. More mob. Fans. Run to Dugout. Hug Ozzie. Pat on back. Scotty Pods. Cintro and Uribe. DLP!!!! Replau of jazz hands.
Juan Uribe has the cutest accent ever. Josh Mora just keeps nodding like he knows what Juan is saying. LOL.
Goddamn, Danny Richar is such a smart kid. I adore him.
RUNNERS AT THE CORNERS. NOBODY OUT. HE GONE. HE GONE. HE GONE. Atta boy CUZZIN BUCKY.
Meh. I'm done for now.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Dear CWS,
Well. Paul Konerko did hit into a double play. But other than that!
Plus sides:
AJ PIERZYNSKI. DUDE, YOU SHOULD GET HR's MOST OFTEN.
Jerry Owens. Two stolen bases in the same inning, thank you very much.
Mikey freaking McDougal and Jose freaking Contreras pitched four amazing innings!
JUAN URIBE WALK OFF HR!
Which meaaaans- mobs at home plate, hugs, high fives, DLP(!), and PIES TO FACE BY JERMAINE DYE! <3
Also, Juan my main man, I have absolutely no idea what you are saying. But you talk funny. :)
All in all. NOT A BAD GAME.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Plus sides:
AJ PIERZYNSKI. DUDE, YOU SHOULD GET HR's MOST OFTEN.
Jerry Owens. Two stolen bases in the same inning, thank you very much.
Mikey freaking McDougal and Jose freaking Contreras pitched four amazing innings!
JUAN URIBE WALK OFF HR!
Which meaaaans- mobs at home plate, hugs, high fives, DLP(!), and PIES TO FACE BY JERMAINE DYE! <3
Also, Juan my main man, I have absolutely no idea what you are saying. But you talk funny. :)
All in all. NOT A BAD GAME.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Dear CWS,
Bad first game vs Cleveland.
Darin Erstad= Sir Whiffs A Lot. I said that and my dad's like "OMG, YOU SHOULD BLOG THAT!"
Here ya go, Papa.
EXTRA INNINGS in this one.
Atta boy, JD MVP.
AJ. For god's fucking sake. DO NOT. I repeat. DO FUCKING NOT INTO ANY MORE DOUBLE PLAYS.
K thanks.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Darin Erstad= Sir Whiffs A Lot. I said that and my dad's like "OMG, YOU SHOULD BLOG THAT!"
Here ya go, Papa.
EXTRA INNINGS in this one.
Atta boy, JD MVP.
AJ. For god's fucking sake. DO NOT. I repeat. DO FUCKING NOT INTO ANY MORE DOUBLE PLAYS.
K thanks.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Dear CWS,
Little bit of a rain delay, but looks like it's gonna be a good day for a game.
FIRST INNING:
Gavin Floyd. Not bad so far. I like to see you getting after those pitchers. Getting ahead in the count is good.
SECOND INNING:
AJ! Nice hit! Josh, baby boy, don't worry about the error. WOAH, double to score AJ!!! 1-0! Nice baserunning. Wait. Nevermind. Way to get doubled off.
Man, we suck at holding baserunners. I don't think I've seen AJ throw out a runner all season. Possibly forever. HE GONE! Two innings finished, no runs, atta boy Big Game Gavin.
THIRD INNING:
Okay, Juan. I'm serious now. Get a fucking hit. Danny! Hey, cutie. Ohhhhh juuuuust foul. Dayum, you kilt that one. OWOW! Triple, baby! Damn you a fiiiiine boy. C'mon Jerry. Ball four, atta boy! ERSTIE! Long time, no see! Dude what the fuck @ inviting the whole team to the mound for a meeting. We usually do pitcher, catcher & Coop Daddy. And sometimes Uribe. Because he gets pushy. Ball four. Sacks packed with Sox for Jim Thome. JIM! >:- Uggghhhh double play AGAIN. Who do you think you are, AJ Pierfuckingzynski? Grrrr. Somedays.
GAVIN! Let's go! Sean Casey, next time don't fucking lean into the pitch if you don't want to get fucked up, you little bitch. HE GONE! Grab some bench, Magz. Next inning, ZING!
FOURTH INNING:
Paulie. Gr. AJ. Gr. Joshua. Ouch, don't hit my baby boy! Podsie. Gr.
Danny boy! I love you. Sweet double play. Hawk & DJ were talking about shortening that throw of yours and you certainly did that.
FIFTH INNING:
Juan, baby! Boo. Richar. Ball four. Owens! Fuck, YEAH!!! Double scoring Richar 2-0! Danny and Jerry are like back to back leadoff men. And then we got Erstie who is ALSO a good leadoff man. RIPPED IT! Another double, 3-0! Thome. Free pass. Paulie. Double play. My fucking god. We hit into more double plays than the rest of the AL Central combined. >:-
Tony Stewart? 13th place? Meh, there's still what? 180 laps left?
Let's go, GAV! Woo, good boy.
SIXTH INNING:
Lunch break!
SEVENTH INNING:
Nicely done, Mr. Floyd. 0 runs in 6 innings pitched. I'll take it. Big Game Gavin. CUZZIN BUCKYYYY! Woo! Hessman HE GONE and Inge HE also GONE! Southpaw Boone Logan. Dayum, Paulie. You are awesome. Nice play.
EIGHTH INNING:
Seriously. What's up with all the double plays?
Also. What the shit does Nintendo mean? Hawk won't stop saying it. "This kid is Nintendo". "That was a Nintendo HR". Speaking of homeruns, thanks McD for giving one up to Magz. Sweet.
NINTH INNING:
BIG BAAAD BOBBY JEEEENNNKKKSSSS. You make me so nervous because you sweat too much. AND THIS BALL GAME IS OVAAA!
Good game boys.
Love,
E-TRAIN
FIRST INNING:
Gavin Floyd. Not bad so far. I like to see you getting after those pitchers. Getting ahead in the count is good.
SECOND INNING:
AJ! Nice hit! Josh, baby boy, don't worry about the error. WOAH, double to score AJ!!! 1-0! Nice baserunning. Wait. Nevermind. Way to get doubled off.
Man, we suck at holding baserunners. I don't think I've seen AJ throw out a runner all season. Possibly forever. HE GONE! Two innings finished, no runs, atta boy Big Game Gavin.
THIRD INNING:
Okay, Juan. I'm serious now. Get a fucking hit. Danny! Hey, cutie. Ohhhhh juuuuust foul. Dayum, you kilt that one. OWOW! Triple, baby! Damn you a fiiiiine boy. C'mon Jerry. Ball four, atta boy! ERSTIE! Long time, no see! Dude what the fuck @ inviting the whole team to the mound for a meeting. We usually do pitcher, catcher & Coop Daddy. And sometimes Uribe. Because he gets pushy. Ball four. Sacks packed with Sox for Jim Thome. JIM! >:- Uggghhhh double play AGAIN. Who do you think you are, AJ Pierfuckingzynski? Grrrr. Somedays.
GAVIN! Let's go! Sean Casey, next time don't fucking lean into the pitch if you don't want to get fucked up, you little bitch. HE GONE! Grab some bench, Magz. Next inning, ZING!
FOURTH INNING:
Paulie. Gr. AJ. Gr. Joshua. Ouch, don't hit my baby boy! Podsie. Gr.
Danny boy! I love you. Sweet double play. Hawk & DJ were talking about shortening that throw of yours and you certainly did that.
FIFTH INNING:
Juan, baby! Boo. Richar. Ball four. Owens! Fuck, YEAH!!! Double scoring Richar 2-0! Danny and Jerry are like back to back leadoff men. And then we got Erstie who is ALSO a good leadoff man. RIPPED IT! Another double, 3-0! Thome. Free pass. Paulie. Double play. My fucking god. We hit into more double plays than the rest of the AL Central combined. >:-
Tony Stewart? 13th place? Meh, there's still what? 180 laps left?
Let's go, GAV! Woo, good boy.
SIXTH INNING:
Lunch break!
SEVENTH INNING:
Nicely done, Mr. Floyd. 0 runs in 6 innings pitched. I'll take it. Big Game Gavin. CUZZIN BUCKYYYY! Woo! Hessman HE GONE and Inge HE also GONE! Southpaw Boone Logan. Dayum, Paulie. You are awesome. Nice play.
EIGHTH INNING:
Seriously. What's up with all the double plays?
Also. What the shit does Nintendo mean? Hawk won't stop saying it. "This kid is Nintendo". "That was a Nintendo HR". Speaking of homeruns, thanks McD for giving one up to Magz. Sweet.
NINTH INNING:
BIG BAAAD BOBBY JEEEENNNKKKSSSS. You make me so nervous because you sweat too much. AND THIS BALL GAME IS OVAAA!
Good game boys.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Dear MLB,
Barry Bonds: Shut up. You cheated. You disrespected Hank Aaron & the game of baseball. I just hope that some day Alex Rodriguez (no matter who arrogant he is) breaks your damn record.
Bud Selig: Thanks for not applauding Barry Bonds.
Alex Rodriguez: Congratz on the 500th HR.
Prince Fielder: Way to beat the Phillies. Nice HR. Brew Crew all the way, baby.
Cubs: Go away.
*E-TRAIN
Bud Selig: Thanks for not applauding Barry Bonds.
Alex Rodriguez: Congratz on the 500th HR.
Prince Fielder: Way to beat the Phillies. Nice HR. Brew Crew all the way, baby.
Cubs: Go away.
*E-TRAIN
Dear CWS,
Wah, c'mon Bobby. You're big, you're bad, and that's the first out.
This bitch Monroe ain't got nothing on you, Jenks.
Nice catch, Jer Bear.
Brandon Inge is a fucking loser, plz kill him.
I wanna see 98 mph, Bobby.
No walks, babe.
Go get him.
Juuuuuust got a piece of it.
You got this, one more out.
YEAH BABYYYYYYYY!
Oh man. It fucking Mike McDougal didn't suck so much, I wouldn't have been so uptight about this ninth inning!!!
Jerry Owens: I like you.
Joshua Fields: You are my baby boy.
JIIIIIIIM THOOOOME: "Magz doesn't even move YOU CANNN PUT IT ON THE BOOOOARRRD YEEESSSS!" HR numero 490.
Paulie "Soft Hands" Konerko: You're cool with me.
AJ: Way to get your first HR since fucking May 20th. Which happened to be a grandslam verses Neal fucking Cotts, man. :)
Jamayne Die: Keeps the socks, bitch.
Podzilla: You got one sweet hit that Dye almost died (no pun intended) trying to score on!
Juan, baby: Plz get a hit sometime soon, k thanx.
Danny Richar: Domincan Love Posse strikes again! Nice backwards-ish catch and double play flip.
HAV-E-AIR VAZ-KEZ: Not bad, son. Not bad. Awesome pickups on those bunts.
Mikey McD: >:- You get the mad face because you suck. Plz go back to Triple A with your boyfriend Aardsma.
Matty "ROBO COP" Thornton: Not too bad, sir.
Ehren "Baby Bucky" Wasserman: No need for a comment. :)
Big BAAAAD Bobby Jenks: seyz "BITCH GO SIT DOWN"
High fives, DLP, more high fives.
PotG & HUGGGGG
Love,
E-TRAIN
This bitch Monroe ain't got nothing on you, Jenks.
Nice catch, Jer Bear.
Brandon Inge is a fucking loser, plz kill him.
I wanna see 98 mph, Bobby.
No walks, babe.
Go get him.
Juuuuuust got a piece of it.
You got this, one more out.
YEAH BABYYYYYYYY!
Oh man. It fucking Mike McDougal didn't suck so much, I wouldn't have been so uptight about this ninth inning!!!
Jerry Owens: I like you.
Joshua Fields: You are my baby boy.
JIIIIIIIM THOOOOME: "Magz doesn't even move YOU CANNN PUT IT ON THE BOOOOARRRD YEEESSSS!" HR numero 490.
Paulie "Soft Hands" Konerko: You're cool with me.
AJ: Way to get your first HR since fucking May 20th. Which happened to be a grandslam verses Neal fucking Cotts, man. :)
Jamayne Die: Keeps the socks, bitch.
Podzilla: You got one sweet hit that Dye almost died (no pun intended) trying to score on!
Juan, baby: Plz get a hit sometime soon, k thanx.
Danny Richar: Domincan Love Posse strikes again! Nice backwards-ish catch and double play flip.
HAV-E-AIR VAZ-KEZ: Not bad, son. Not bad. Awesome pickups on those bunts.
Mikey McD: >:- You get the mad face because you suck. Plz go back to Triple A with your boyfriend Aardsma.
Matty "ROBO COP" Thornton: Not too bad, sir.
Ehren "Baby Bucky" Wasserman: No need for a comment. :)
Big BAAAAD Bobby Jenks: seyz "BITCH GO SIT DOWN"
High fives, DLP, more high fives.
PotG & HUGGGGG
Love,
E-TRAIN
Dear Team,
Hit into one more double play and I will end your lives.
You are looking like a team full of Joe Credes!
Love,
E-TRAIN
You are looking like a team full of Joe Credes!
Love,
E-TRAIN
Dear Jermaine Dye,
Did you steal Scotty Podzilla's high socks? You know what, even though I do not approve of criminal acts, I say keep 'em. They seem to be working.
Also, plz tell Hawk to stop saying homosexually insinuating things.
For example: "Danny Richar, man, he is fiiiiine lookin' young ball player."
& "Paul Konerko has some of the softest hands in the league."
Not that I mind FUCK... (nvm nice catch Jerry)...
As I was saying, I don't mind, but John Rocker thinks you are a boring homosexual.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Also, plz tell Hawk to stop saying homosexually insinuating things.
For example: "Danny Richar, man, he is fiiiiine lookin' young ball player."
& "Paul Konerko has some of the softest hands in the league."
Not that I mind FUCK... (nvm nice catch Jerry)...
As I was saying, I don't mind, but John Rocker thinks you are a boring homosexual.
Love,
E-TRAIN
Friday, August 3, 2007
Dear CWS,
Dude, you guys are fucking DOMINATING against the Tigers!Way to beat the first place team.
I bet all those people who've been calling Juan Uribe fat & useless are eating their words. Sure he has no neck, but daaaaaayum he can field & did you see that GRAND SLAM tonight. Yeah, baby.
Yep, that's my Dominican Love Posse right there. Danny Richar, you've been a decent replacement... so far. I still miss the Gooch. But as Hawk has said before "Richar is a fine lookin' young ball player". Oh yeah, he fiiiine.
Also, thanks JD & JF for some insurance home runs.
Marky Mark, not bad. Three runs, seven hits in eight innings of work. I'll take it. Better than Garfish, Contreras, or Danks could do.
Ehren Wasserman, my little elf boy, you still look like you're twelve but way to get your first save.
Second win in a row... NOW LET'S KICK SOME TIGER ASS!
Much Love,
E-TRAIN
P.S. I'm sorry but the Detroit Tigers have got to be the grossest team ever. Ivan Rodriguez, Magglio Ordonez, BRANDON INGE?! Seriously gag me with a spoon. Lame.
I bet all those people who've been calling Juan Uribe fat & useless are eating their words. Sure he has no neck, but daaaaaayum he can field & did you see that GRAND SLAM tonight. Yeah, baby.
Yep, that's my Dominican Love Posse right there. Danny Richar, you've been a decent replacement... so far. I still miss the Gooch. But as Hawk has said before "Richar is a fine lookin' young ball player". Oh yeah, he fiiiine.
Also, thanks JD & JF for some insurance home runs.
Marky Mark, not bad. Three runs, seven hits in eight innings of work. I'll take it. Better than Garfish, Contreras, or Danks could do.
Ehren Wasserman, my little elf boy, you still look like you're twelve but way to get your first save.
Second win in a row... NOW LET'S KICK SOME TIGER ASS!
Much Love,
E-TRAIN
P.S. I'm sorry but the Detroit Tigers have got to be the grossest team ever. Ivan Rodriguez, Magglio Ordonez, BRANDON INGE?! Seriously gag me with a spoon. Lame.
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