Dear CWS

Thanks for the birthday win yesterday! I was hoping for eighteen runs on my eighteenth birthday but twelve will do just fine. :)

Pretty Boy Floyd: Looked solid in your second outing! Much better than the first, that is for sure. I like to see you getting ahead in the count like that... keep it up.
Chris Getz & Brent Lillibridge: Great 1-2 punch right here between these guys! Lillibridge, you better watch out bcuz you just might be my new favorite until Sexy Alexei figures out how to get out of this sophomore slump of his. Plus Lillibridge, you're so tiny and look like a freshman and you know I have a thing for people who look way younger than they should. Hehee.

Big hitting by all the guys... and in a dome no less!

Thanks a lot for making my birthday a happy one and keep it up!!!


Love,
E-Train :D

Dear CWS,

Well hooooooly shit! That was probably one of the ugliest wins I have ever seen in my life. Thirteen hits and only three runs?! Really. Please, do not make this another 2008/2007/2006. Pitching was solid... except Bobby... and hits are good but YOU NEED TO HIT WHEN IT COUNTS AKA WHEN RUNNERS ARE ON THIRD BASE! I mean really?! How can one team seriously strand that make baserunners?! It's ridiculous! Fields had a great game. SEXY ALEXEI NEEDS TO MAKE BIG HIT SOMETIME SOON OKAY? You guys are getting hits, just not when it matters, and that really needs to change. Overall that was a terrible game and you ALL need to pick it up tomorrow.

LOVE,
E-trrrain

Dear Dewayne Wise,

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. You beast. A HR away from hitting the cycle.

Love,
E-Train

Dear CWS,

Srsly. I’m fucking tired of this team. The offense is the most worthless group of motherfuckers I have ever fucking seen. Get a hit that counts for once!!!! SERIOUSLY. How many fucking batters were left on base… YET AGAIN?!!!!!!!! Just ridiculous. You guys GAVE this game to the Cubs. You put it on a silver platter and begged for them to take it. Jermaine/AJ- just because you guys got HRs in the second and third inning does not allow you to suck the rest of the fucking game. C’mon, how many leadoff hits/doubles were left on base bcuz the next three batters struck out? And don’t get me started on Dotel. Fucking losers. This bullpen sucks, this offense sucks, the starters are the only thing keeping the White Sox in the game Fire Ozzie, fire Kenny, dump all these old and terrible motherfuckers. Srsly. Just blow apart the team now and try to salvage some prospects bcuz nothing is gonna happen this year. The White Sox can’t hit. I don’t know what is different from 2005, why the Sox decided to suck after the World Series is beyond me. Blown opportunities, my friend, that’s what 2006/2007/2008/2009/…/2093. It’s gonna be a long time before another White Sox championship.

With the hatred of a thousand burning suns,
E-Train

P.S. And go fuck yourselves, Cubs fans. Wow, your team got fucking mowed down by Danks who is not even our number one pitcher. Wow, you sat down our offense who CONSISTENTLY leaves runners on base. This game was no different from any other ones that the Sox have lost. And yeah Dotel just blows. Not surprising. Aaaand Ozzie put Linebrink in during the 9th… a FLY BALL pitcher with the WIND BLOWING OUT. Great move, Skip. Overall I was severely not impressed by the Cubs, so stop pretending your team is all that.

P.P.S. White Sox. Plz prove me wrong.

Dear CWS,

Long time, no write! Sorry boys. It's just that this team... this team... THIS TEAM. You all are killing me, slowly and painfully. Seven game winning streak, five game losing streak, six game winning streak, three game losing streak. LET'S SEE SOME CONSISTENCY! Every single one of you is the same. The hitters are ridiculous for a four game stretch and then get shut out three days in a row. The pitchers are lights out one start and give up six runs the next. It's getting pretty frustrating. They way the White Sox need to win is the way with won in 2005... SMALL BALL! Not big homeruns. *cough* Not that Thome or Konerko can hit ANYTHING right now.

Seriously. Don't make me go batshit crazy on all of you.

LOVE,
E-Trainnn

Dear Gavin Floyd,

You, my friend, are ridiculous.

WHAT.A.BEAST.

Much love,
E-to the- Train

Dear CWS,

WEEEELLLLLLCCOOOOOOMMMMEEE BAAAACKKKK!

God, I missed you guys.

Marky Mark: WTF. Plz don't ever do that bad again kthanks.
Snack Times/Boone Lagoon: WOOOOHOOOO.
Dotel: BOOOOOO.
Thome/Konerko/Swisher/Crede/Zynsk/Dye: THANK FUCKING GOD YOU GUYS DECIDED TO NOT SUCK THIS SEASON (so far).
Cabrera: Way to be a fucking baller man, that was a bullshit call.
Casey Blake: Go fuck yourself.
Umpires: Go fuck Casey Blake.

Love,
E-Train <3

Dear CWS,

Welcome, Octavio Dotel.
Dude, how many teams have you been on? I was looking for a pic of you and there was at least five different teams you on. Let's check Wikipedia.

New York Mets (1999)
Houston Astros (2000-2004)
Oakland Athletics (2004-2005)
New York Yankees (2006)
Kansas City Royals (2007)
Atlanta Braves (2007)
Chicago White Sox (2008-present)

Yeah. Damn. I hope you don't suck.

Love,
E-Train

PS: Could you please kill Mike MacDougal while you're at it? Thanks.

Dear CWS,

Sorry for neglecting you. Welcome, Nick Swisher. I didn't like you at first, but now this doesn't seem so bad. We did need an outfielder. Congratz Joe for signing a one year deal. I hope you stay. Supposedly close to signing a deal with Octavio Dotel. I sure hope this happens so that our BP will suck a tiny bit less than last year.

Love,
E-Train

Dear CWS,

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I hope 2008 brings playoff hopes and World Series aspirations.

Love,
E-Train ya brain.

Dear CWS,

Hello, Alexei Ramirez!
4.75 mil for four years... not bad.
Hopefully he'll turn out to be something.
If not... NO BIG DEAL.
I mean we're the fucking White Sox.
This shit happens all the time.
But it's cool. :)

LOVE,
Ya trade E-Train and ya trade ya brain

Dear CWS,

Idk what I'm gonna do with myself next season.

I never thought I would be saying this, but I'm gonna miss a lot of you guys.

No more noodle arm Podsie Pan giving me a heart attack by actually throwing someone out. PODZILLA IS NO MORE.

No more Sir Whiffs A lot making me laugh by being so pathetic. Seriously, best thing about 2007 was him breaking his ankle WHIFFING at a pitch. Simple amazing.

No more Fishy, my Garfish, my husband, my SEXY BEAST.

No more making demeaning comments to Alex Cintron, he who looks like a chipmunk.

NO MORE DLP!!! If Uribe gets traded. Which I think is sorta likely. Which would mean no more lack of necks, JAZZ HANDS, and my main man.

(Hopefully) no more MIKE MCDOUGAL.

No more 38 year old virgin, Michael Myers. Actually that's not really a sad thing.

No more calling Danny Richar a roooook. <3

No more ONE HIT GUSTAVO. D=



Motherfucker I'm gonna have get these new bitches some nicknames.


LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE
e to the train

Dear CWS,

Yeah so offseason's been... interesting?
Seriously, KW, what the hell.
We have no outfielders.
I admit, I don't think Torii Hunter was the answer... but still.
No Rowand no Jones, all we got is some random dude from the D-Backs.
Great.

Bye bye to Garfishy and Scotty Pods.
I love you both so very much.

Seriously I feel we're playing Survivor with the 2005 team.
Who will be last one voted off the island?!
Let's see who we got left.
Konerko
Uribe (probably not for long)
Crede (also a big possibility)
Jenks
Ozuna
Buehrle
Contreras (yikes)

And I think that's it.


Oh well.

IT'S ALL UP TO YOU SCOTT LINEBRINK. MVP.

LOVE,
E-train

Dear CWS,

What has been up lately?
Beating the Angels for crying out loud!!!
AJ stole a base & caught a runner stealing in the SAME GAME!
Scotty Pods gunned someone down @ home plate!
BOBBY JENKS HAS A MOHAWK!
Sign of the apocolypse Y/N?

Also Half Way to St. Patrick's Day was the other day.
Which means green jerseys.
WHICH MEANS EHREN WASSERMANN LOOKS LIKE A LEPRECHAUN.
I mean more than he usually does @ least.

Love,
e.train

Dear Jim Thome,

CONGRATZ!!!!
I know I always say that KW needs to trade you, but deep down I know the Sox wouldn't be the same without you. NUMERO 500! WALK OFF STYLE! No possible way it could've been any better.

HRs by Joshua Fields & Dannnny Richar. I love newbs.

GOOD DAYYYYY.

Love,
E-Train

Dear CWS,

It’s come to that time in the season (seeing as we’ve been mathematically eliminated since about June) that we say “THERE’S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR”. Haha just kidding, I’m not as lame as a Cubs fan.
But seriously. We’ve seen a lot of new guys this season and it’s about time we see who’s gonna be back for the ’08 season.
Let’s see who we got.
LANCE BROADWAY. Mr. Porn Star himself. With a name like that, we caaaan’t get rid of this guy! But really, haven’t seen enough to decide on this one.
MARK BUEHRLE. Duh.
RYAN BUKVICH. This one’s iffy. I think we can do better.
JOSE CONTRERAS. I don’t think it’s possible to get rid of this man. =/
JOHNNY DANKS. For sure. This little guy showed tons of potential this year.
GAVIN FLOYD. He’s really proved himself these last few starts. I’d hold on to him, I know he’s got talent.
JON GARLAND. Duh. It’s been tough since All-Star Break but he’ll be fine.
BOBBY JENKS. Duh!
BOONE LOGAN. No. He’s had plenty of chances. I still don’t understand why everyone seems to thinks he’s like fucking Jesus or something.
MIKEY McDOUGAL. HELL.TO.THE.NAW. You gotta drop him hard. Fifty Cent hard.
MIKEY MYERS. NO. OLD PEOPLE GO HOME.
HEATH PHILLIPS. Haven’t seen the kid enough.
MATT THORNTON. Sure. He’s proven he’s worth it.
JAVIER BASS QUIZ. Love him! <3
EHREN WAS HER MAN. Also love him! <3

TOBY HALL. No thank you.
AJ PIERZYNSKI. Of course.
CINTRON. NO.
FIELDS. YES. He’s not the greatest, but he’s getting there.
KONERKO. Duh.
RICHAR. He’s a good kid. Gotta keep him.
URIBE. This is a tough one. If there’s any possible way we can find another shortstop in the off season, I say drop him. Otherwise I guess we don’t have any other choice.
DYE. Yes ma’am.
ERSTAD/PODSEDNIK. I don’t know. I guess keep probably one of them.
GONZALEZ. No!
TERRERO. He makes me laugh.
THOME. This one kills me. But I guess keep him. =/


DANNY STOP DOING NAUGHTY THINGS WITH YOUR BAT!!!!

Love,
E-TRAIN

Dear CWS,

Yeah. That Twins series.
Pretty awesome.
You guys kill me.
Absolutely KILL ME.
Homerun by Uribe in the the 2nd.
Homerun by Cintron in the 7th.
Every single time Alex Cintron comes up to bat, I make some demeaning comment about him and then he hits a homerun. Maybe I should try this with everyone. Hm.
Top of the 9th. Minnesota decides to have a party with our pitchers and score SIX RUNS.
Bottom of the 9th. The boys decide to stop playing shit and score SOX RUNS. Right back at cha JUSTIN MORNEAU. Cintron, Richar, and Big Lead Louie (long time no see buddy, did you get fatter?) all got on base and Hot Wheels Fields let one rip for a double. Thome HR! 496! Sir Whiffs A Lot you surprise me so! Ground rule double scoring the Podzilla.
Decent pitching by six inning Javy.
Not terrible pitching by the 38 Year Old Virgin Mikey Myers.
Bitch ass pitching by Mikey McD and Boone Lagoon. Which somehow does not surprise me.
Good pitching by Lance Broadway who sounds like a porn star. And very well could be for all we know.
Nice pitching by Bobby Jenks.
Top of the 13th and Heath motherfucking looks like a mini Bobby Jenks Phillips picks off Nick Punto #2 (aka Michael Cuddyer). LMAO. Nicely played, rook.
So yeah I was getting pretty tired and then AJ decided to get me a hit scoring Louie The Terror Terrero in the bottom of the 13th.
I like how they were all jumping all over each other like they won the fucking World Series. AHAHA. And the DLP was giving each other piggyback rides which was hilarious.

Game number two.
Didn’t watch.
Bottom of the first back to back HRs by Jimmy (497!) and Paulie.
Nice hitting by Jer Bear.
WTF. Apparently Toby Triple Chin Hall got a homerun. Wow.
Matty got the save.
Nice.

GAME THREE.
Johan. Not much else to say.
Thome hit 498.
Josh Fields pulled an Aaron Rowand and got a face full of the outfield wall. And of course he was nowhere near the ball. Because he is Joshua Fields. “I HATE LEFT FIELD”.

TODAY.
HAHAHA.
#1. I never noticed but they play Austin Powers music when Mikey Myers comes out to pitch. Funny.
#2. Yay for throwing errors.
#3. AJ STOLE A BASE. LMFAO.
#4. Big Game Gavin pitched particularly well. 5 hits and 0 earned runs in 6.1 innings. Niiiiice.
#5. Game’s not over yet, but who really cares. Haha.

LOVE,
E-TRAIN

Dear CWS,

Long time no write, eh?
Sorry, an eleven game losing streak can do that to ya.
So puhleeeeeeease tell me why we cannot play like this everyday?!
I mean seriously! I know you are all capable of playing as well as you did today! GAHHHH! That's why this season has been so frustrating. We're not bad because there is no talent. We're bad because there is no HEART on this team. /siiiiiigh


JOSE FUCKING CONTRERAS. HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL.
You officially won two starts in a ROW. Amazing.
6.2 IP, 4 Hits, 0 Runs, 5 Strikeouts!
Is this 2005 Jose we are seeing possibly?
Hmmm.

NEWB SOCIETY
JO Feasy. What a stud. 3 for 4 with 2RBI and 1 stolen base. Now THAT'S what I'm talking 'bout!

JF. Didn't play today. Got switched to LF though. It's ironic that with a name like Fields, Josh can't seem to field for shit. Hmmm.

Danny DLP. Looking better every day! 2 for 4 today. Atta boy.

THE REST
Thome. Gotta hold on to your bat, buddy! You almost decapitated the ump today. Trying to pull a Mike Redmond on him.


Paulie. Not bad.

Erstie. YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOOOARD YESSS! And dude you totally gunned down Victor Martinez. Psh maybe next time loser.

AJ. Was apparantly 4 for 5. I don't think I even noticed you were playing. Sorry.

Andy. Andy, Andy, Andy. No comment.

JUAN. YOU SUCK. I'M TIRED OF HAVING TO STICK UP FOR YOU. PLEASE GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK. THANKS. <3

Boone. Meh.

EHREN WASSERMANN. I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY GAME.

Big Baaaaad Bobby Jenks. Congratz on tying the record a few weeks ago. Nice game today.


LOOOOOOVE,
E-TRAIN <3

Dear Danny Richar,

Nicely done, Rook.

Love,
E-TRAIN

Dear Kurt Suzuki,

Damn you.

Love,
E-TRAIN